Someone submitted this article to me, and they just asked me to share this message so here it is. I am not a stepmom. But I do know a few of them, and they are wonderful people. Step-moms can sometimes get a bad image. This open letter is to tell them that they matter.
Dear tired stepmom,
You matter too.You hold your head high you’re not as bad as people think or expect you to be. It is truly hard work loving someone else’s child. Most people don’t understand. Contrary to popular belief, this love does NOT come naturally in MOST cases.
This statement is more accurate especially if you enter the child’s life late in years. Like I said, in MOST cases bonds are not natural. That is perfectly okay. Some kids are not bondable. That’s NOT your fault. Blending families is hard hard work. You’re expected to take care of this child but sit in the back row.
You are also expected to NOT have an opinion. That’s not right either. If you’re good enough to take care of them, you’re good enough to have opinions. You matter too. Your husband probably doesn’t understand this because he’s not in your shoes.
Don’t allow him to judge you based on something you can’t help.
Being a step mother is a HARD job.
You are never appreciated the way you deserve. Mothers and step-moms are not evil! You and your husband come first. The child will test this. You will have to fight for your rightful place in your own home. This is WRONG. You matter too. Even if the father refuses to see it. The child will play you against each other to get their way, every child does this.
Don’t allow them to wreck your marriage. 77% of blended families don’t last. If you don’t have children of your own, Mother’s Day is a painful day. Don’t let people tell you that you’re over-reacting. You certainly aren’t recognized on that day. Nobody asked step parents to stand up and be acknowledged on that day.
If your husband isn’t a step parent, he can’t even begin to understand how you feel. But you matter too. Chances are the child’s parents don’t see the wrong the child does. They are in denial if they do. Some parents will make excuses. Most people think their child is perfect.
Guess what parents?
Your child isn’t innocent.
If she needs a break, allow her to have one. You should let her have time away. This will be good for her and your marriage. You love and raise your kids to be independent. You also teach them to be good humans and not a burden to society.
Your wife matters too. She’s doing the best she can. Here’s something that’s going to hurt a bit. Your kids can be pricks. It’s up to you to give her a break, Dads. This is hard on her. Sure, she married you knowing you had kids. She loved you so much that she wanted to try to love your kids.
There was no hint that it would be so hard. Put your wife and her needs above it all. That will make her try and go harder. Your kids will be gone one day and not around. Don’t make her bitter with you because of them. She matters too.