I am getting better. It’s been a few months since I last saw you. Those months were some of the best and worst months of my life. I had to deal with no longer having one of the people I loved the most in my life even though that person hurt me. I know understand the #metoo movement even more than I did before.
Everyone knows about the #metoo movement that went around on social media. Well, I am now apart of that movement. For the anniversary of when we first got together, I plan on getting a semicolon tattoo in remembrance of not only what I went through, but to remind me of how strong I am now.
For that, I have to thank you. I am stronger now than I ever was before you and with you. I am not afraid to make my own decisions anymore. The worry of always making someone happy or if I said the wrong thing again doesn’t exist to me anymore.
For a while it was hard, I won’t lie. The night I left was one of the best and worst nights of my life. I lost someone who had hurt me horribly, but that someone and I shared many wonderful memories. At first, I would jump and freeze if I found someone behind me. My friends couldn’t even try and jump scare me like they used to because I would have an anxiety attack.
For a few months after I gained my new life, I was afraid to walk outside at night even in a group. I had to block everyone that I used to love in the family because seeing them reminded me of you and the past. I couldn’t handle that. There is still a sting when someone mentions your name.
I was also angry for a long, long time. I hated you, what you did, myself, and the people that were there. There was an intense resentment for your family because they were there and didn’t stop you. I hated you for a long time after that time period. You just threw it all away like it was nothing like I was nothing. I hated myself for not running away the first time. How was I so stupid to stay with you and let it happen twice more? I wanted so badly to deny the truth.
I don’t hate you anymore. My life won’t be wasted over someone that never saw an issue with what he did. I refuse to let you have any more power over me. My life is not where I want to be right now, but I won’t give up on my dreams, no matter the setbacks.
That night I left was not all bad. That night I broke down and cried for me, for you, for us, and for everything I had lost. However, it was also the best night of my life simply because a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I was finally free, and I didn’t have to be afraid anymore. I finally had a shot to live my life for myself.
Now, I am still getting better every day. I started going to therapy to get better. They gave me anxiety medication that helps me a lot. I can walk around in crowds and at night without being afraid. I am so much happier now than I was before.
That night a part of me died, and that part of me was the one that you hurt over and over. That girl that was afraid to be herself died that night, and a girl that is starting to know who she is and what she wants took her place.
So I end this saying one thing. #metoo is right. Myself and countless others went through something that I never want anyone else to go through, but life goes on. Mine did, and now I’m closer than ever to achieving my dream and forgetting the memory of you.