free girl life

Life Goes On

I am getting better. It’s been a few months since I last saw you. Those months were some of the best and worst months of my life. I had to deal with no longer having one of the people I loved the most in my life even though that person hurt me. I know understand the #metoo movement even more than I did before.

Everyone knows about the #metoo movement that went around on social media. Well, I am now apart of that movement. For the anniversary of when we first got together, I plan on getting a semicolon tattoo in remembrance of not only what I went through, but to remind me of how strong I am now.

For that, I have to thank you. I am stronger now than I ever was before you and with you. I am not afraid to make my own decisions anymore. The worry of always making someone happy or if I said the wrong thing again doesn’t exist to me anymore.

For a while it was hard, I won’t lie. The night I left was one of the best and worst nights of my life. I lost someone who had hurt me horribly, but that someone and I shared many wonderful memories. At first, I would jump and freeze if I found someone behind me. My friends couldn’t even try and jump scare me like they used to because I would have an anxiety attack.

For a few months after I gained my new life, I was afraid to walk outside at night even in a group. I had to block everyone that I used to love in the family because seeing them reminded me of you and the past. I couldn’t handle that. There is still a sting when someone mentions your name.

I was also angry for a long, long time. I hated you, what you did, myself, and the people that were there. There was an intense resentment for your family because they were there and didn’t stop you. I hated you for a long time after that time period. You just threw it all away like it was nothing like I was nothing. I hated myself for not running away the first time. How was I so stupid to stay with you and let it happen twice more? I wanted so badly to deny the truth.

I don’t hate you anymore. My life won’t be wasted over someone that never saw an issue with what he did. I refuse to let you have any more power over me. My life is not where I want to be right now, but I won’t give up on my dreams, no matter the setbacks.

That night I left was not all bad. That night I broke down and cried for me, for you, for us, and for everything I had lost. However, it was also the best night of my life simply because a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I was finally free, and I didn’t have to be afraid anymore. I finally had a shot to live my life for myself.

Now, I am still getting better every day. I started going to therapy to get better. They gave me anxiety medication that helps me a lot. I can walk around in crowds and at night without being afraid. I am so much happier now than I was before.

That night a part of me died, and that part of me was the one that you hurt over and over. That girl that was afraid to be herself died that night, and a girl that is starting to know who she is and what she wants took her place.

So I end this saying one thing. #metoo is right. Myself and countless others went through something that I never want anyone else to go through, but life goes on. Mine did, and now I’m closer than ever to achieving my dream and forgetting the memory of you.

You don’t have any more power over me.

12 thoughts on “Life Goes On

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